A Short Comment on My Social Media Burnout
In September of 2019, I left Twitter. The choice was made in a panic as I had made a silly tweet which was quoted by a larger account and the pressure of notifications and remarks made me coward. I refuse to focus on the other person’s actions. Ultimately, I should not have tweeted in jest. Subtweeting is so rampant and I was caught up in it. I burned my social media platforms down, including my podcast network. The pressure I had put myself in the months preceding this event is my real downfall.
When running Brainbusta Radio, I dictated every move without much input from others. Don’t get me wrong, we were a very tight group of friends and often shared ideas. Decision making was put on my shoulders because I chose for it to be that way. Between graphics, uploading, promotion and all the things it takes to run a podcast network, I had treated my hobby as a job. The insurmountable pressure I put on my shoulders and mind was too much to carry on my own. Total focus of wrestling fun was lost.
I dropped all of them with zero notice. The podcast feed was burnt to the ground because I was scared of all those notifications. I lit a match and ran, burning my friendships. They did nothing wrong yet endured all the pain.
In the following months, I was entirely off the grid. While liberating, the regret ate at me. I was taking Benadryls just to fall asleep in the lead up to my leaving and that kept going when I left Twitter. In that time, I reconnected with the wrestling that spoke to me. For the followers I did have before my breakdown, they’ll know I followed New Japan Pro Wrestling in great detail. With this time off from the world, I found new favorites such as Gatoh Move, DDT Pro Wrestling, NOAH and many more brands. I missed the fun in wrestling and found it again.
Wrestling was my sanctuary in the storm of depression.
I’ve been low before but this was different. The absolute abyss my mind went to was terrifying. I had appreciated the friendships built but didn’t look at them as real friends. I should have allowed myself to be more open. Being offline made me love wrestling more. Finding characters as Mei Suruga, Tetsuya Endo and more really made it exciting again. Japanese wrestling has always spoken to me differently. It’s likely a language barrier thing but it’s helpful in distracting me on life and focusing on the product.
Viewing wrestling through the eyes of a fan versus the eyes of a podcaster are two completely separate things. Handling spoilers and learning feuds was much more engaging than following a hashtag and refreshing. Refreshing your twitter is more addicting that smoking and I can attest to that. I quit smoking nearly 4 years ago. Social media is a different beast.
In preparation for this post, I heard from someone who shared their experience with pro wrestling and stress. They said “I stopped watching from 2016-2019 after 4 of my cousins passed away in a car accident. I felt terrible for a month until I saw a picture of Ishii dropping Omega on his head. I put on night 1 of the G1 and became obsessed again.”
Wrestling can never fill the void you feel but it can be a great distraction
With damage comes repair. I’ve returned to social media, slowly. The reception has been surprising. I figured most would block me and in actuality; most of the squad has engaged with me. I didn’t ask for it but I sure am glad to see some of those names grace my screen again. I’m lucky. I know a lot of people looked up to me and I’m trying to repay that faith with Conrad. This platform is going to be a great little corner of the web. We hope you enjoy it because we are enjoying bringing it to you.
If you would like to support me, feel free to do so at paypal.me/ShutUpWilf. Give me a follow at @ShutUpWilf or email me at ShutUpWilf@gmail.com. Be sure to follow the whole team at Chops, Kicks and Nearfalls as well as follow us at @CKandNearfalls on Twitter.
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